The Waiting Game

The waiting game....it's supposed to be the exciting part of the adoption process. You have finally finished your home study, found a child that you see as a part of your family, the excitement builds, right?!

No.

The waiting game is seriously the worst part of the adoption process. The worst. And here I thought that the waiting to get approval of your home study was the worst. Ha! So very wrong I was. 

Jeff and I have been in the "selection" process since July. We "almost had our world change", but this time is a little different. This time I feel is the perfect storm. We got a call on a Friday. A match that is exactly what Jeff and I both want AND a situation where the social worker would place as soon as possible. 

As. Soon. As. Possible.

I begin to prepare for the possibility of our family expanding. Getting my "feelers" out there so to speak, on clothes, furniture, schools, daycare, etc just in case. I even create a book for our future child! 

That was about two weeks ago. 

I have checked in with our social worker (who is amazing) and sometimes these things that are to happen ASAP, don't. Other things pop up, everyone can't get together that needs to be there for placement, yadda yadda, yadda. I get that. It just puts a huge strain on Jeff and me as we wait. 

The thing is, although we try NOT to get attached, we do. We can't help it. Jeff and I have wanted to be parents for so long, that this moment, opportunity, this child, in our minds is already a part of the family. We want to help him or her, Know how he or she is doing, who is caring for him or her, etc. Jeff and I become parents even before knowing the child. 

I guess it is the unknown that is difficult. We don't know if we will be parents this time around or the next. If we need to go shopping or wait longer for the child that is to be ours.


 But we will continue to "patiently" wait until we hear the "yay" or "nay".....

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And just like that, Our World *Almost* Changed

It's funny, the coincidences that occur in life. I had just finished and published my last blog on Jeff's and my adoption journey and wouldn't you know.....

The phone rang!! The. Phone. Rang!

Of course, being who I am, I didn't recognize the number and didn't answer it. So when I checked the voicemail and realized that is was our social worker. 

I FREAKED OUT!

She called to say that "there is a situation" and to call her back "immediately". 

The moment Jeff and I had been waiting for was here! HERE! 

So what did I do!? 

I tried to call Jeff. Jeff was at work and I wanted to be sure that we would be on the same page. Only thing was.....He. Didn't. Answer. I must have called three or four times! So, without talking with Jeff, I called our social worker back. She, too, didn't answer! What was going on!?

Finally, our social worker called me back. Turns out she was talking to Jeff, so now it was time to fill me in. A baby had been born the day before, prematurely at 28 weeks. Possible meth exposure, with many unknowns. Jeff had said we would love to have a shot at this baby. Our social worker would tell us more the next day.

We were a choice for a baby!!

I, of course, was ecstatic! I was pacing, talking really fast, trying take this information it. We could possibly be parents! Jeff, as always, was far more grounded and practical. Don't get our hopes up too high. We are parents, yet. 

But who wouldn't choose us?!!?

This is when the research began. Anyone that knows me, knows that when I don't understand or know something well, I have to do research. I wanted to know all I could about babies born at 28 weeks, babies born premature and with possible meth exposure. Nevermind that Jeff and I have taken classes on the different types of drugs and exposure and the lasting effects of those on babies and kids. But no matter! I had to know more! I had to gather as much information as I could. I even talked to other adoptive parents who have gone through the process and even adopted a premature, possibly exposed child!

Well, that and anything to not think about what may or may not be coming the next day. 

Thursday came. Not only my last day of summer school, but possibly the day that could change our lives. I had my cell next to me, checking it constantly, simply waiting on pins and needles.

School over. Off to the dentist. Then I saw it: an email. Emails can be good, right?

Not in this case. We were not chosen. 

Before I could lose it, I called Jeff to give him the news. He was speechless. I was sad, but you know what? This baby wasn't' our child. He wasn't the child that's destined to be a part of our family. Our baby was coming. He or she is out there and on his or her way. And that is okay and how it should be. Our baby is coming. 


This journey is exciting, and heart wrenching, and certainly life changing. 

All this before we have a child! We can't wait for what the future holds! 

Impatiently Waiting-An Adoption Journey Update

Adoption truly is the ultimate journey. Lots of time spent completing mountains of paperwork, preparing your house for 90+ item inspection, research and reading on adoption and children of adoption (which I know first hand being one!), not to mention opening your entire life to the agency just to determine if you are "parent material" (see previous blog post here). 

Do "regular" parents have to do all this?! Well....let's not get me started on that rant; although, now that may have to be another blog post. Hmmmm.....


However, once all the classes and paperwork is complete, the search finally begins. 


FINALLY! The search begins. This search should be an exciting time! Your family is about to be complete!


But truly, it's nerve wracking. A family can look through a binder of available children. It is exactly as it sounds. And it is emotional. Jeff and I felt horrible for not being able to help every child. Pages and pages of children from counties all across the state in need of love. Heartbreaking. I don't think we will look at the binder again. BUT it is a reminder that so many children are in need of stable, loving homes. I wish our country would make our children their first priority. 


Then there is the waiting. We are waiting for our child. We don't know his or her gender, how old he or she will be, or even all the background information on him or her! Think about that! Most parents have nine months to prepare! Parents can find out in advance the gender, prepare his or her bedroom, buy clothes and toys, and bond with the fetus. We may not get any of that. Many of the parents we have met and spoken with, had a child they were interested in and the next day took him in. The next day! 

We may have a warning or we may not. Time will only tell. However, as that is the only thing Jeff and I know definitely... good thing we have friends on call ready to do some major shopping! Then, of course, plan our "after" baby shower!

This moment is special (although LONG) as our social worker has suggested that we focus on relinquishment (a birth mother would select us to adopt her child) or foster-adopt a child (or two!) up to eighteen months old. I am excited for this focus as it is truly what I want in my heart. As we cannot have our own children, I still want to have the experiences as a new mother. And Jeff being Jeff is on board with me, although he would much rather skip diapers altogether! 



But until the diaper changing, we continue to wait for that life changing day!